Over the summer, when I began my job as a cashier at Shop Rite, you may recall I wrote a blog containing a list of complaints and grievances. These mainly dealt with the different forms of stupidity and disrespect I saw in customers each day, but as I added in towards the end of that blog, I certainly learned from those less-than-pleasant experiences. Now that I’ve entered a new stage of my life, I have more wisdom to pass on to you from this new environment called “college.” It’s only been about a month and a half, but here are some of the many things I’ve already learned:
1. Coupons. Take them. Save them. Use them. Love them. Contrary to my former feelings of contempt for these precious little slips of paper, I’ve decided that coupons are absolutely divine. While I continue to sympathize with my fellow cashiers, I am now a college student. I cannot, in good conscience, pass up the opportunity to pay less for something than it’s worth or get it for free.
2. Clubs. Join a lot. It doesn’t matter if you only go to one out of the twenty you join – the main incentive behind this is free food. Like I said, never pass up anything if it’s free.
3. And while we’re on the subject of food (and, you know, not paying for it), get yourself some Tupperware containers. Bring them to the dining hall. They’re good for taking cereal, bagels, and plenty more. Water bottles can also be filled up with soda or your drink of preference. Trust me, this comes in handy when you’re sitting in your room at midnight, the dining hall is closed and you’re too poor to afford a fast food sandwich.
4. Always shower in the morning. That way, the bathroom has just been cleaned and you don’t have to deal with nasty hair or any other unidentifiable substances splattered all over the walls and floor. Even so, wear flip-flops. You probably don’t want to know what went down in there.
5. Speaking of showers, you’ll probably have to learn how to shave while balancing one leg on a shampoo bottle. I’m thinking of taking up yoga.
6. Oh, back to food: the MicroFridge is God.
7. DC++ is God. Oh, wait. That label is taken by the MicroFridge. Uh, DC++ is Buddha. If you haven’t heard of Direct Connect and you live in a dorm, you’re seriously missing out. I download songs in seconds and movies in minutes. Literally. I used to spend more time searching Google to simply find the torrent I was looking for.
8. Buy an external hard drive. Perfect for storing all of those movies you’re going to download with DC++. Oh, and maybe you should back up those research papers and shit, too.
9. With respect to schoolwork: everything they told you in high school was a lie. College is far easier than they make it out to be. Just more distractions. Lots of people, lots of things to do. Plus Facebook.
10. Speaking of Facebook – you’ll have tons of friend requests from people you’ve never met before and may never meet, but they’re in your college network, so you just shrug and assume you know them. Or should know them. Or might. Or could end up meeting them. Maybe not. But if you do, you end up saying something completely ridiculous like, “hey… don’t I know… uh, Facebook?” because you don’t want to sound like you’re sure of yourself. If you are, you’ll sound like you spend way to much time on the internet stalking their profile. If you don’t recognize them at all, you might sound like an ass. So you settle for a completely awkward exchange of words that will probably never lead to any sort of friendship. And if they do actually want to talk to you, they’re probably total nut cases. Stay away.
I’m off to the dining hall for dinner. And to stock up on cereal and fruit and whatever else they have that’s good to take back to my room. I’ll be back to share more of my wisdom with the world, though.
As somebody who’s heading off to college next year, I’ll definitely keep all these things in mind.
And god knows the Facebook thing is true even in high school…
Tupperware is heaven! LOL
I never even put thought to using coupons but lately I’m realizing how handy they will be when I don’t have my parents to stock me up on food.
And I am sure yoga skills would come in handy when having to use dorm showers. They aren’t exactly…comfortable.
All that talk of food acquisition techniques reminded me of those college women who’d go out on as many dates as possible… as long as it involved them eating at the guy’s expense. Are you at any risk of packing on the “freshman fifteen” do you think?
This is brilliant. I’m sure the love will be spreading to thrift stores soon, too. If you can bear to weed through the hideous prints that were most likely never in fashion, you can find some great stuff.
I’m at Uni here in the UK and everything you said (especially Facebook, but not the DC++ thing) is gospel.
#4 made me cringe. The thought of the public bathrooms/showers in dorms disgusts me. I’m glad I’ll never have to deal with that.
thats the only thing im glad about getting fucked out of ucla at the last minute….. i have more than enough money to well support my self.
college is great. life after college is a 100x better.
When my ex started college I loved going to his campus and taking pictures, looking around, thinking I’d be somewhere like that one day. I never made it, but that’s fine. College campuses are intriguing for me, yet I can’t really put my finger on as to why. Maybe because I’ve always been an observer and automatically fall into that niche by default in any situation I’m in. Oh and yes, the balancing while shaving thing is hilarious. I used to live in an apartment with no tub, it just had a shower and the fun I had turning balancing into a science. It can be done, by the way.