So I visited my high school yesterday. And of course it’s only a few miles away from where I am now, so it doesn’t seem like such a big deal, but I was really happy to see everyone. Minus a few people who were out, but either way, it was nice. It just felt so strange to sit in the lounge and hear bells ring, see everyone rushing off to class or quickly finishing homework, going about their daily routines. I was just a visitor; I was in no hurry, had no particular class to go to and no important work to get done.
This was actually slightly disappointing.
And there’s new carpet. It’s hideous. Which doesn’t bother me so much, because the old carpet was almost just as hideous, but it just wasn’t my carpet. It’s not the carpet I walked on every day for four years. It’s not the carpet I rubbed my feet off on when I walked through those doors after my freshman camping trip and it’s not the carpet I lined up on with my fellow classmates as we prepared for our graduation. Those classmates are now scattered across the country at different colleges and the thought of never being together with all of them in the same room ever again is starting to bother me.
This is extremely important: we might not have the chance to discuss our feelings about this new carpeting.
I know it seems silly, but it’s not really the carpet itself that bothers me, but the fact that something has changed and I wasn’t there to witness it. I don’t see my friends every day and we’re not as (physically) close as we used to be. I know that means nothing in terms of true friendship, because we have and certainly will continue to keep in touch, but it’s just not the same. I can’t go out for bagels with them in the morning and I can’t eat lunch with them in our favourite classroom. I can’t go to every GSA meeting during activity periods and I can’t sit and groan with my friends about how early it is as we listen to morning announcements. It’s not like I wake up at 8 AM every morning and think, “wow, I really wish I were at my high school right now so I could know what the schedule changes will be for the day,” but the fact that I can’t just means that things are different now.
I like the familiar. New experiences are great and I definitely love college, but at the same time I want to be able to have everything I had before. I want to look back on things and know they’re still the same. I want to be informed when the colour of the carpet changes. I should know these things. I just should.
But all in all I had an amazing day. I loved seeing everyone, I loved being there, and afterwards I went to the mall with some friends and it was just like things always were. Our friendships haven’t changed and I don’t think they ever will, but next time I’d appreciate it if someone would tell me about the carpet. Please. These things matter to me.
Amazing how little changes make us think the most, isn’t it?
I’m sure it was nice to visit your old school again, however. =]
I can understand that. I’ve merely changed course this yrar and already I miss going to sit in the canteen when we had an hour free with my course friends. I mean, i still see them and everything, and we’re still friends, but it’s just not quite the same now I don’t see them everyday.
This post rang a bell with me.
I felt that way in the beginning of college. When I revisited my high school I would notice the smallest change and it would really throw me out of the loop because I wasn’t there when it happened. It’s almost as though nothing changed or they never noticed that I was gone.
Your sense of noticing these things is good, because it shows that high school was an amazing time for you. I’m sure those who did not receive such a fulfilling 4 years would not feel the same. This sense of attachment makes us realise what we want and what we enjoy, and that is not wrong. Except when changes come in (which is an inevitable thing), it can be a little scary. But it’s all worth it.
However, over time, I became disconnected towards the changes that were made to my school. After 5 or so years, there were so many changes that I could not keep track of what was the same and what was different. I took that as a sign of settling down into the life that I have now. And I am sure that you will too, and with that, have a place in your heart for what used to be familiar to you. =)