Those of you who have visited here before might recall that last year I worked as a cashier at a supermarket and wrote a couple of blogs on the subject, mostly dealing with why customers suck. This summer I have once again decided to dedicate the majority of my time to slaving away behind the register. Along with that comes a whole new list of complaints and grievances, all of which will be detailed in this blog at some point. Today’s rant? Overused jokes.
1. “Oh, it must be free!” Whenever an item doesn’t scan or I can’t find the correct produce code, 98% of customers will laugh and claim the item is free. When I don’t laugh the first time, they usually repeat themselves, assuming I didn’t hear them. Newsflash: this is the oldest, stupidest, and most annoying joke anyone could ever tell a cashier. Around the 200th time we hear it for the day, we stop pretending to enjoy it.
2. “Working hard or hardly working?” Without a doubt, every male customer over the age of 70 thinks this is the most hilarious joke in the universe. It must be a generational thing, like how people in my age group amuse themselves by using netspeak in everyday conversation. I’m actually beginning to contemplate responding to this joke with the word “lulz” just to see what kind of reaction I will get.
3. “Were you waiting just for me?” Whenever the store is slow, customers are understandably excited to see no lines at the registers when they come to check out. However, I can assure you that their relief in no way compares to my own when I finally get a chance to sit down, get a drink, and take a break from scanning and bagging all day. So when the store finally slows down after I’ve spent 8 hours on my feet, the last thing I’m waiting for is another customer to ring up. You’re not that special.
4. “Well, that’s less money than I spent on gas this morning!” Gas prices are high, I know. I’m not living in a cave. And I’ve heard much funnier jokes about it by now, so don’t even try.
5. “Oh, I have to pay now?” Yes.
6. “Hmm, might have a few more items than 15!” More like 115. In the express lane. I don’t care who you are or why you’re in a rush or how full the other registers are, being an asshole and holding up someone just trying to buy a bottle of water with your enormous order and even more enormous collection of coupons is not funny.
So for those of you who weren’t aware, none of these jokes are new to me or to any other cashier on the planet. We see hundreds of people a day and nothing you come up with is something we haven’t heard before. Please think of something a little bit more original, will you?
I’ve gotten 4 out of 6 of those, unfortunately. It just comes with the job, which is why I never want to be a cashier again, if I can help it.
I work at a shoe store and have heard a few of those, especially #1. Most days I can handle customers but there are days when you want to strangle them. It seems like all the idiots come in on the same day, especially the angry customers. Why people feel the need to be jerks to total strangers is beyond me. In my opinion, everyone should have to work retail for at least 6 months to figure out how to interact with the public.
Speaking from the POV of a customer (I avoid cashier jobs like the plague) ahem on #6. I totally don’t get why the limit on express lines is not enforced.
Yes, I’m alive! I will email you later since I was totally lame and didn’t reply to you last time.
Anyways, I read this entry, and the first thing out of my mouth was, “People actually do this? SERIOUSLY?” I guess there’s no limit to lame.
lulz
Or when you work concession at a movie theater and customers bitch at you about prices. Yeah, like a 17 year old trying to make gas money has control over $4 candy.
Dear God can I say, Thank you!!! I thought I was the only one who ranted about these things. You nailed them all, my dear, with #1 being my most-despised comment a customer can make >.<
I never want to be a cashier again, and which is also why, I loathe Wal-Mart with a passion.
Yeesh. I’m so glad I don’t work in retail. However, working in tech support is no better, I gotta tell you. At least the jokes are different, though.
I don’t think I say anything besides hi-how-are-you and thank you to most cashiers. Oh well, at least they’re trying to be friendly?
And YES. I HATE going into an express lane only to find out I’m behind someone with ten million items. I also hate it when grocery stores up the limit from 10 or 15 to 20 or more, especially because most people bend the rules. So when I go into a store to get a bag of candy and Joe Schmo is in front of me with 30 or 40 items in the EXPRESS LANE, I’m ready to shoot someone.
Oh Laur. Haha.
My favorite one is the “it must be free!” one. My mom says it all the fucking time. Makes me LOL at her.
Don’t forget the people who feel like they deserve discounts… Just because, you know, they want them. I work in a used bookstore and had two separate people today asking me to reduce the prices of the books *just for them* and “don’t worry, [they] won’t tell anyone.” And this is in USED books, where the prices are already reduced.
I hate how customers make stupid jokes like that, thinking very so original! I work in a shop store and we recently had a buy one get one free offer… Customers “Oh, is it buy one foot and get the other free!” Yeah, because you usually only buy one foot!?
I can only imagine how annoying that can be. (my father is one of those people who think they’re funny telling jokes to the cashier)…
I hate waiting in the express late.. that’s the most annoying one. (for us customers).
AMEN!
I’ve been working in a grocery store for over a year and I’ve heard everything on this list. Working as a cashier for over a year can change you POV a lot when you become a customer.
At my work we have signs that say “Your friendly cashier (inster name)” Then customers make the joke saying “where’s the unfriendly cashier?”
A lot of customers are such jerks and are just plain stupid. I’ve ask customers what color their corn was and they’ve said ORANGE. I’ve even had a lady talk to be about frozen chickens while ringing up her order.
I am totally guilty of saying #1. I also say it when there doesn’t seem to be any price tag on an item. But be glad that I don’t repeat the joke. =P
I have never worked as a cashier, so I don’t know how it feels to be on that end, but I think I have said it before when I say it is eye-opening when hearing it from another person’s point of view.
Oh, and I need to ask: I have this thing of saying “Hi, how are you?” to cashiers who greet me. Do you personally like it when someone does it or you prefer to do the check-out process without talking? I’m just wondering. =)
Oh no, I definitely like it when the customer acknowledges my existence. It’s actually quite refreshing to have someone ask how I am before I have the chance to greet them — usually, I’ll ask how someone is doing and they won’t even say anything! Or, even worse, I’ll think they’re talking to me… and then I notice the Bluetooth attached to their ear.
And Kayla, I love that someone told you their corn was orange. People do that sort of thing to me all of the time — some jokingly, some actually trying to get away with telling you their apricots are kiwis. I once saw a man plop 40 limes down onto the belt, stare up at the cashier and say, “I have two.” My friend didn’t even know how to respond. She was so confused. The guy said it with such a straight face, though, we thought he was actually trying to get away with it!
YES!!!! i knew i couldn’t be alone. i’m a cashier at the front store of a pharmacy and it takes all the strength i have some days to deal with the crap that customers say and pull. some are really nice, but most are complete asses.