I will never forget a visit I made to Ilana, an old friend who had become an Orthodox Jew in Jerusalem. When I saw her again, she had abandoned her jeans and T-shirts for long skirts and a head scarf. I could not get over it. Ilana has waist-length, wild and curly golden-blonde hair. “Can’t I even see your hair?” I asked, trying to find my old friend in there. “No,” she demurred quietly. “Only my husband,” she said with a calm sexual confidence, “ever gets to see my hair.”

When she showed me her little house in a settlement on a hill, and I saw the bedroom, draped in Middle Eastern embroideries, that she shares only with her husband—the kids are not allowed—the sexual intensity in the air was archaic, overwhelming. It was private. It was a feeling of erotic intensity deeper than any I have ever picked up between secular couples in the liberated West. And I thought: Our husbands see naked women all day—in Times Square if not on the Net. Her husband never even sees another woman’s hair.

She must feel, I thought, so hot.

From The Porn Myth

Why is it that any time someone wants to offer a “new” and “progressive” take on clothing customs—particularly the idea of veiling—it all relates back to sex? Instead of arguing that the veil is oppressive to women, we’re supposed to buy the idea that it’s liberating because it allows women to feel sexy? I say both camps of thought are a load of crap. Whether a woman veils or not she is doing so in order to please men or to be sexy. Whether a woman veils or not she is being sexually oppressed. Whether a woman veils or not it has nothing to do with her own beliefs, but instead with how the men in her culture might react to it. Here’s a ~radical~ idea: maybe we should learn to see women as people who are perfectly capable of making decisions regarding their dress without first considering whether the menz will approve.

A related post, from Facebook:

A non-Muslim guy asked a Muslim: Why do your girls cover up their body and hair? The Muslim guy smiled and took two sweets, he opened the first one and kept the other one closed. He threw them both on the dusty floor and asked the non-Muslim: If I asked you to take one of the sweets, which one you would choose? The non-Muslim replied: The covered one. Then the Muslim said that’s how we treat and see our women…

I recently saw this pop up in my news feed when a FB friend (see the kickass blog she writes for here) sparked an interesting discussion about the trend on her wall. As she pointed out, both of these popular takes on veiling are problematic in that one is rooted in the Islamophobic idea that all Muslim women are oppressed, while the other is an example of misogyny within the Muslim community. Those same ideas are at work in the article posted above, though it’s about a Jewish woman rather than a Muslim woman. Somehow the author seems to privilege these beliefs over the Western norm, arguing that porn has ruined men’s appreciation of the “real thing”—but I won’t even get into just how fucked up that point is. I’ll just leave it at this: she’s completely ignoring an entire culture of sexism toward women and hatred of our bodies that extends beyond porn and the way women in our society choose to dress. Also, I don’t know who the hell she interviewed, but some of us watch porn and have sex and make out with women because we enjoy it, not because we want to be “cool girls.”

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It’s one thing to teach your daughter about overcoming obstacles, but to teach her to loathe her natural appearance and put herself through painful procedures to “fix” it is another thing entirely. What’s worse is that this mother is not just encouraging her daughter to wax her eyebrows at an extremely young age, but also criticizing her and telling her that she looks much better without all that hair on her face, as if it was even noticeable to begin with. Even if she did have particularly bushy eyebrows, that really shouldn’t be a huge concern for such a young girl.

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Sociological Images usually gets it right, and I agree with the analysis in their post. It’s the comments on this post bother me. Some write off the gendered dynamic and claim it’s simple economics, and others ask why women shouldn’t be entitled to a few freebies, given the fact that we’re paid less. One commentator actually accuses others of simply having very low opinions of men, as though the claims about men in bars are simply made up.

I mean, seriously. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN TO A BAR?

Ladies’ Nights are meat markets. Men assume that every woman in the vicinity is single, heterosexual, and furthermore, attracted to them, and probably looking for a one-night stand. I have a hard time believing that women want to be treated this way when they walk into a bar, and I have a hard time believing they want men to mistreat them, grind up on them without asking, or call them names when they refuse their (inappropriate) sexual advances.

There’s something about the relative anonymity of a bar (that is, the dark, drunken atmosphere) that allows men to behave in ways they probably wouldn’t in daylight. They act sort of like 16-year-old boys on YouTube who like to harass young women in their comments (because if a girl is singing a song on YouTube, it’s obviously to show off her mouth to all the men and boys out there so they can imagine their dicks inside of it… first thing on her mind, really). I’m not saying I mistrust all men, and I don’t think the commentators at Sociological Images were implying that, either, but some disturbing realities come out in places where people are not afraid of being judged (either because it’s too dark, they’re too drunk, or they don’t plan to see you ever again). In a bar setting, those realities usually come in the form of misogyny: men think they have a free pass to touch, play with, and harass women because if they’re in a bar, they obviously want it. And when they don’t, you just call them a “whore” and move onto the next woman.

So yeah, I have a hard time believing that in situations where women are constantly degraded by men, it’s the men who are the real victims of sexist practices.

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In their advertising text, Burger King does away with any attempt to throw in the usual cunning, subtle remarks and instead goes with this:

“Fill your desire for something long, juicy and flame-grilled with the NEW BK SUPER SEVEN INCHER. Yearn for more after you taste the mind-blowing burger that comes with a single beef patty, topped with American cheese, crispy onions and the A1 Thick and Hearty Steak Sauce.”

I’m not sure whether it’s even worth picking apart at the details of this text because the sexist imagery is so shamelessly vulgar I’m tempted to think the BK masterminds created it to be that way, if only to stir up controversy that will really have everyone talking. Otherwise, Burger King needs to hire a new employee for their Sexual Nuance Conceptualizer position, because the language sounds like something a 13-year-old boy might say while harassing a female classmate about his own long and juicy member blowing her mind. BK doesn’t even attempt to mask the sexual positioning of their female model, instead caking on her makeup in a way that makes me imagine her dressed as Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. I’m not even sure if the word “blow” is meant to further emphasize the obvious sexual act going on here, or if BK is gloating about the blow-up sex doll they’ve created out of their model for this advertisement. Thoughts?

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In my case, the person who ended up commenting my photos doesn’t seem fond of self-portraiture. Normally I’d be fine with that — there’s plenty more on my Flickr to look at, I think. However, he commented mainly on my self-portraits and insisted on mentioning in each comment how narcissistic I am. This is something every artist who has ever taken a self-portrait has probably heard — people are quick to simple-mindedly dismiss the entire genre and reduce it to narcissism without recognizing its artistic capacity because all they see is you wanting to show yourself to the world rather than your photography. However, what really bugged me about the comment was that he attacked my personal beliefs while giving his perspective on the photo. Apparently isn’t not fit for a feminist to “expose her naked body online.” (‘Naked’ meaning topless. WITH MY ARM COVERING MY BREASTS. Scandalous, right?)

Joking aside, this could’ve been a fully nude portrait for all I care, and the fact that it’s exhibited online is merely a reflection of our generation’s culture — where else does one collect and show their work nowadays? Even our journals are now published blogs (or even vlogs) and an outline of every aspect of our personalities is available on facebook.com. But anyway, had I been male, I obviously would not have received this comment. Men can take off their shirts and walk around topless all they’d like — and believe me, there are plenty of men out there who would require much larger bra sizes than my ‘Nearly B’ cup if it were common for men to wear bras in our society. In fact, that’s just the type of double standard much of my photography seeks to explore — the idea that as women, we’re taught to cover up our bodies and fear our own sexuality rather than openly and freely expressing it. But it’s perfectly acceptable to show it in a more exploitative way, of course. Male recording artists can have all the tits and ass they want in their videos, but when a woman wants to explore her own sexuality or even talk about it in a mature fashion, it’s complete taboo. It’s a shame that so much of our society is still stuck in that mindset.

For reference, you can view the photo and comments here.

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